Have you considered donating money to charity and being an active helper in your community? It’s much more fulfilling to give something back, instead of closing yourself in with stuff you throw money at. Trust me, I’ve lived with depression and suicidal thoughts for over 20 years, and no amount of gear makes a difference (especially when you have almost no gear at all, like me, but I digress)
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I don’t know. The MPK Mini has the keyboard if you need it, but otherwise exc for the joystick, it has the CC and pad functionality at half the price. I have big hands so I can’t really ‘play’ the keyboard…I just dial in melodies and arpegs. I have no prob with the Akai stuff and the $120 for the MPK was acceptable.
Your mileage may vary 
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If I had to choose only one hardware or software this would be the Polyend tracker
Perhaps a hardware with sequencer and synthesis capacity, which allows you to build a complete song without any other additions, is a good option.
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Hey!
Sorry to hear about your situation.
As far as Eurorack goes - I am all pro - and if you have the money (and time - research, wating, building,…) to spend, why not? - Try it out - if it is collecting dust, go and sell it again. The prices for used modular gear are pretty stable and surprisingly close to new-prices very often - as long as everything is in top condition. Don’t let it collect dust, but otherwise you’re almost fine.
Set a time frame and a budget in advance, if you fear to get lost in buying modules. Like, I don’t spend more than this amount of money during the first 4 months and then I’ll negotiate again.
I have a lot of fun with the hardware and had my system before i fell in love with VCV. - Still loving both for it’s own thing and handling!
A propos ‘handling’: All the suggestions concerning midi-controllers as hardware-substitutes: It is not the tactile thing only, at least for me, and I am not talking about sounds either, which I find very different, too. Basically I mean two things here, which are quite important to me:
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It is a very satisfying thing to patch cables (and make music in generell) without having a computer running and processing. For me, this makes such a big difference. I often start patches without the computer. This said, sooner or later my computer is running (recording, but also contributing to the sounds, making beats), but I still have the feeling I am controlling the integral part of the track on an instrument right before me. I am coming from guitar / bass and I sometimes have the same feeling with VCV and controllers (after a lot of controller-configuration), but I always have it with the modular. And that is improtant to me.
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Although there are some Rackers, that work - as a challenge - with a fixed set of modules (hello, Omri!), it is very challenging and as a result satisfying, to learn your setup and then still find new ways to make new sounds with stuff you thaught you know.
Some additional thoughts:
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Although I love the mutable/audible stuff and am regularely tempted to get a rings or plaits or clouds for my rack, I decided to focus on using those in VCV and other things in hardware. For myself, I wouldn’t want a cloned system, but explicetly something else, whatever that means…
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I personally started with a Arturia Minibrute 2S and still love the machine as a base. I am actually thinking about getting another one, because for the used price, you get so much out of it for the rest of your system. (2-3 LFOs, 1-2 OSCs, 2 Envelopes, 2 Attenuators, Inverter, , Multimode-Filter, VCAs, very flexible Sequencing, Midi-Interface etc.) Of course, other semis might be a good starting point as well. 0-coasts look like there is a lot of fun in one package.
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Again, this is very much connected to my personal taste: I don’t use moogy filters very much. I do like the sound (who doesn’t?), but I am not interested to recreate a minimoog-sound in my rack, but rather something else, that might surprise me or make my ears bleed or sound digital, although it’s not, or whatever… - just sayin’: while it might me a wise idea in the orientation phase to by the modules you need for a classic synth voice (like a moog), you also might find that very boring, as you were entering the jungle of eurorack to find something new in the first place. - Just my feeling towards it.
Have you read this far? - Thank you!
I just wanted to enhance the +++ side a bit… Did it come across?
Cheers! dDom
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Hi,
As Everyone, I feel sorry to hear about what happened to you. eurorack is an expensive rabit hole to fall into… might not be the best coctail with depression…make sure you have constant incomes: you will buy a lot of stuffs, many times, for a long time.
Going from nothing to eurorack is quite frustrating, you will need to spend a lot of money at various resellers before making a single sound.
I would recommend to start with a semi modular, even if you have experience with VCV, it’s the least frustrating way to get your hands on the basic building blocks. Someting like a neutron will give you access to the equivalent of a 1500€ doepfer system.
If you have fun with it, then maybe a small case (arturia, 4ms palette, doepfer, ) with Plaits and Math to open the door to eurorack
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